On the morning of February 22nd, the Day Creek Howl website crashed due to an Anti-Spyware Alert.  Our site was being searched because of a source suggesting that we have a connection to the great empire of Russia.  

As you may know, America has a terrible rivalry with Russia, which is considered the greatest evil in the modern world!  From the Space Race to the Cold War, we have been fighting with this country for decades.  Also, newly-elected president Donald Trump has worsened this problem, as the election “hacking” has caused a myriad of additional complications.  Despite Trump dismissing this idea as “fake news,” America’s NSA (National Security Agency) is examining all possible connections to this breach, including Day Creek Intermediate.

As you read this, our CIA is also suspecting us, naive, innocent seventh graders from Day Creek Intermediate School, of helping the Russians!  What could a bunch of tweenagers have possibly done?  Most of our students don’t even know the difference between Putin and Pluto.  It’s not like we could have hacked the voting (Congrats, Mr. Trump…you owe me).  With our clunky Chromebooks and our stupid firewalls, we can’t even play Minecraft.  Does anyone honestly believe that we could breach the government’s server?

I know I didn’t breach the server, but could somebody else have?  Now that I think about it, our high-tech Macs could have gotten into the server with some sinister tech people and a bit of luck.  And we all know we have the money  after skipping the Disneyland trip.  So, maybe, somebody could have actually influenced the results…But why?

We live in California, for Pete’s sake. Almost nobody here wanted Trump to be nominated, let alone win.  And, even if they did, why would they work with Russia to do this?  Oh I know… Russia wants to capture our country and corner the old fur trade market.  They hurt the election, so the seemingly least diplomatic presidential candidate ever won, causing the United States of America to fall.  Then, Russia will capture America’s people, and make us all Soviets. Mystery solved!