Dear fellow elves,

We all know of the stereotypes made against us. But on the fateful day of Friday, December 7, 2018, I decided to find out what exactly humans think of us. I learned through the snowmen that humans were holding a play called Buddy the Elf. So I disguised myself as one of them and snuck into Chaffey’s theater. There were lots of things that shocked me, but here were some of the most preposterous.

The beginning of the play took place in a town called “Christmas Town,” where all of the “elves” (they actually had humans acting as elves…the horror!) lived. Lies, all lies. Just because we elves are the busiest at Christmas time doesn’t mean our lives revolve around the holiday. We obviously live in the Elf Village, home to all of Santa’s elves at the North Pole.

All of the “elves” were singing a peppy, hyped-up song about happiness. And worst of all, they were saying that all elves love to sing and dance. We’re too busy for that nonsense! We have lives, you know. We don’t just burst into song whenever we feel like it. We’re not even constantly feeling joyous. Elves have other emotions beside happiness, excitement, and euphoria. Get with it Buddy!

After recovering from all the sparkly props, bright lights, and loud singing, I realized what the “elves” were wearing. It was embarrassing to look at and realize: that’s what humans think we look like. The “elves” were wearing brightly colored costumes and pointy hats. It was downright preposterous. Elf Village is located in the frosty North Pole, so we have to wear old snowy fur-lined clothing. Not those thin candy cane leggings and dresses. But we do wear our signature curled-toe shoes.

One of the most absurd ideas in the play was that Santa Claus’ sleigh was powered by Christmas Spirit. In the play, the deer were no longer needed because the sleigh ran on Christmas Spirit. Later, the sleigh crashes because there wasn’t enough spirit. That’s why, at the real North Pole, our sleigh runs on reindeer power. We would never be so dumb as to power the sleigh on such a risky fuel. Besides, abandoning all nine of our reindeer is unthinkable. Sorry PETA.

I was so appalled by all of their beliefs regarding elves that I immediately returned to the North Pole and started to write. Despite never actually seeing us, humans think we live in Christmas Town, where we always sing, are incredibly happy, wear ridiculous outfits, and ditch Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph. Guess the reindeer will be left wrapping the gifts this year as we sing in Christmastown!