LiAngelo Ball and two other players on the UCLA basketball team were recently arrested in China for shoplifting. This offense reputedly comes with a ten-year jail sentence. Fortunately for the college basketball players, President Donald Trump worked out a deal with the president of China, Xi Jinping. The president decided to ship over LaVar Ball (the father of the Ball Brothers) in exchange for the detained UCLA athletes.  

A quote from an anonymous White House official was recently leaked, “LaVar Ball has no idea what is going down as of now. Jinping is a fan of the UCLA basketball team so he just wanted their autographs before he let them go crush SC State.”

The players were scheduled to arrive at LAX after LaVar Ball left for China. This was specially set up so that the Ball family wouldn’t get into a huge father-son dilemma.

An ABC news reporter stated, “President Jinping will not be at the UCLA game. Jinping wanted to see LaVar Ball’s layout for Lonzo Ball’s signature shoe.”

President Jinping has great plans for his shoe; he plans to mass produce it all over China.

President Jinping said, “I have looked over Mr. Ball’s plans, I think this will be a great product to sell in China. I already have people creating commercials and other advertisements for the shoe. The shoe will mainly be made for toddlers to reflect Mr. Ball’s maturity – this I have discussed with Mr. Ball.”

With Lonzo Ball’s shoe being mass produced in China, they plan to only sell them within their borders.

Lonzo Ball said, “It’s a little disappointing that my shoe will be worn by a bunch of little kids. I was really hoping for them to be really popular with the upcoming basketball stars, and even with current NBA players.”

Update: After a week of sales, Anta Sports Limited, the only Chinese shoe company allowed to make the shoes, has claimed record-breaking sales all around China, toddlers are wearing these shoes, and enjoying them too. The company is looking at a light-up version and a squeaking model to appeal to their young audience.

The president of Anta Sports Limited said, “These new shoes are a great way for young kids to enjoy running. And while LaVar is running with his mouth, the young kids of China will be running with their feet. Thank you President Trump, the Ball family, President Jinping and everyone else associated with the Big Baller Brand. Thank you for ‘making China fit again.’”