How To Be An ASMR Master


Photo credited to Tori D.

Remember to whisper really, really quietly.

Tori D., Writer

Hey Coyotes, welcome back to Day Creek Howl (said in a creepy, whispery tone). Today I will be showing you how to be a master at A-S-M-R.

First of all, tap everything that you have around your house (or wherever you are). Start tapping your fridge, your bedroom door, and even your dog. After that, start ransacking your pantry and fridge, eating everything with your mouth open while smacking your lips. You know what? You should also buy some things that you wouldn’t buy on a normal day-to-day basis.

Start with:

A very large aloe vera plant

Raw honeycomb

A fake ear (Don’t worry, I don’t get it either)

Basically, get anything that is edible and sticky, and random things that hardly anyone would get. After you start eating it with your fingers, chew REALLY loudly.

Raw honeycomb works the best with this next part. After you have chewed it REALLY loudly with your mouth open, start playing with it…using your fingers…while the honey is still in the container. You know what, who cares that someone might be eating what you already put your hands all over? Since your fingers are already sticky, make MORE objects sticky by tapping everything else in your house.

You should also try to convince Mr. Apodaca to have an ASMR elective. Why not show off how much of an ASMR master you’ve become? I am absolutely positive that no one in your class will be annoyed as you tap everything, no matter how loud it might get. Tap your Chromebook. Tap your chair. Tap your teacher’s whiteboard for all I care! I’m sure the Color Rally will sound very relaxing and soothing while everyone is whispering. Why would we actually do anything at school? Let’s just make weird noises with our mouths and our teacher will certainly know what we are trying to say. Perhaps ASMR will become an Olympic sport! Who cares if it’s just a hobby or trend? ASMR will definitely fulfill ALL of our needs and wants!

And don’t forget to take your microphone with you everywhere that you go!