96. 97. 98. 99. Aaaaand 53.

Sound familiar? You’re probably suffering from Ineffective eXtracurricular Learning disorder, also known as IXL. Teachers assign painful lists of skills we are required to “master,” then promptly forget. Until, that is, the night before they’re due, during which we are frantically Googling adages, searching for calculators and wondering what what the heck Exterior Angle Theorem is. If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone.

According to a new study, the majority of students at Day Creek believe they have a severe case of this IXL disorder.

“IXL gives me a lot of trouble. I hate it more than anything I’ve ever had to deal with in my entire school life. Honestly, it’s really the worst,” said Day Creek student, Strayt Seze.

“I lose a lot of sleep at nights, you know? Like, I pulled an all-nighter doing IXL and I only got to 70,” said De’en Math.

Are we really going to use these skills? Apart from the tiny fraction of soulless people who work for IXL, no one really needs to know how much Dr. Burnett’s pig weighs. Or the difference between compound and complex sentences (it’s about conjunctions, for those of you who are tempted to log in). Okay, now stop wasting time on the Day Creek Howl and go finish your IXL. Shoo!