Let’s be honest here, the DCIS student code is flawless. The fine for wearing an overwhelming amount of red (up to $300) is totally reasonable. How could anyone be so naive of its “hazard to the health and safety of the school environment” (according to our PACK planner). And don’t get us started with the number eight. It is so obviously gang-related, that it would be impossible to argue against the secretive figure who wrote our PACK planner. In fact, we should hold a national holiday for this anonymous genius.

Only an ignoramus would even begin to dream of rebelling. These rules are undoubtedly for our own protection.

Everyone knows how dangerous carving your initials on your belt buckle is to impressionable young middle schoolers. And the school staff would never break any of these rules. We all know that our administrative team would never wear anything resembling combat boots (which are also prohibited by the dress code).

No staff member ever yells, either (which, again, is strictly banned and carries a hefty fine). And no teacher ever takes away, steals or attempts to steal private property (cellphones, freedom, any hope of a social life, etcetera, etcetera).

Danger is everywhere, so thank you Day Creek PACK Planner for protecting us with an eleven page set of rules that everyone obviously reads.