Local PTSO Mom Goes To Rehab For Her Critical Cookie Addiction
Day Creek’s PTSO Mom, Karen Jones, has struggled with a Girl Scout Cookie addiction, so her family checked her into rehab.
February 21, 2020
Resisting the urge to indulge in one more measly box of Tagalongs, 43-year-old Karen Jones, Day Creek’s head PTSO Mom, checked into rehab by force. When asked to speak upon the issue, Karen displayed a deep-rooted addiction, repeating, “COOKIES! COOKIES!” while aggressively spasming.
Jones’ favorite cookies are Toffee-Tastics. Her preferred way to splurge on them is by dipping them into a fresh glass of Coconut Lavender™ essential oils. While the cookies are gluten-free, when consumed by dozens of servings, these harmless treats have significant health repercussions.
Her husband, Gregory II, and daughter, Kayleigh J., agreed that this is a recurring problem, so they scheduled a visit to the local confectionary rehab center.
“Ever since Kayleigh and I confiscated all of her Thin Mints, Karen has been experiencing intense withdrawal symptoms. She has locked herself in her room and inhaled essential oils ever since she went sober. There have been profuse hallucinations,” Gregory said. “Those Toffee-Tastics are an abusive substance. She even dipped into our daughter’s college fund at one point just to support her habit,” he continued. “It’s tearing our family apart!”
Her daughter, Kayleigh J., decided to speak publicly on the matter. “Her closet is filled to the brim with cookies. She harasses the Girl Scouts every time we go to Trader Joe’s. I’m embarrassed to be seen with her. I think Dad and I made the right decision.”
Roughly 25% of Girl Scout Cookie sales in the Inland Empire are credited to Karen Jones. “Hundreds of girls will attend Camp Surf this summer, thanks to Mrs. Jones,” said Sylvia Acevedo, CEO of Girl Scouts.
Fortunately, Karen is showing significant progress. She has reduced her daily consumption of cookies to eight boxes, half of her usual intake. Although she occasionally sneaks a row of Toffee-Tastic cookies, she is expected to fully recover by the new year. Gregory and Kayleigh are praying that her addiction will be cured by the 2021 cookie season. If you or someone you love is struggling with this or any other addiction, call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) immediately.
