Imagine this: You’re strolling down the packed halls, talking with your friends, when suddenly, BAM!!! you trip ungracefully over a roller backpack and land right on your once-beautiful face. And to your horror, it was right in front of practically everyone in your grade. As any normal teenager would do, you hide in the bathroom stalls for the rest of the day. Of course, there is a very simple solution: ban these horrid things!

Let’s admit right now that you’ve had to suddenly swerve in an effort to avoid face-planting into a bush as the result of a roller backpack cutting you off. Or you’re one of the kids who actually owns one. If you do, why? Why have you tripped so many children?  Don’t you recognize the carnage?  How do you sleep at night?!

At this point, there can only be one explanation for this: it’s a desperate cry for attention. Thirsty for revenge, roller backpack owners have decided to take the rest of us down, one person at a time. So, the students with roller backpacks have organized a nefarious secret club to get their payback.  It looks like an innocent trip on an airline, but it’s really an effort to eliminate your peers on campus.

Let’s be honest, have you ever seen someone with a roller backpack trip over another roller backpack? Of course you haven’t. They’re obviously plotting something.

Rumor has it, these backpack rebels have formed a gang to team up. Their plan?  To trip everyone without a roller backpack. You might be saying “Hey, this kid is crazy.” Well maybe, but not regarding roller backpacks.  

Because of the many terrible incidents and the uprise of tiny scrubs, we should now proudly assert that Day Creek Intermediate School is officially banning the use of roller backpacks. Hallelujah! We will be saved!

When the office announces over the speakers that roller backpacks are finally banned, everyone will celebrate … except for the kids who have them. What are they to do? Avoid walking through the halls? Be more careful? Or, dare I say, BUY NEW BACKPACKS??? DUN DUN DUN!!!

A few “bold” scrubs will bravely rebelliously walk into school with roller backpacks beyond the ban and receive a (well-deserved) lunch detention. Very, very risky.

So, from now on, please Mr. Apodaca, let’s say “Au revoir!” to those disasters on wheels, and an eager “Hello!” to finally being able to walk through the halls, absolutely worry-free.