I hid all of my Halloween candy under my pillow, hoping that my older brother wouldn’t steal any. I wondered where he might possibly be hiding his stash. Maybe in his backpack? I set out to find it. When I got back to my bedroom and lifted my pillow, all of my Milky Ways were gone.

Sound familiar? This is very common in many households: sibling rivalry.

You probably already know what sibling rivalry is. According to the Encyclopedia of Children Health, sibling rivalry is “antagonism between brothers and/or sisters that results in physical fighting, verbal hostility, teasing, or bullying.” 

There are obviously bad effects of sibling rivalry, such as weaker individual confidence and self-esteem. Kids buy into the idea that they’re not “good enough” compared to their older siblings.

3rd grader Emily T. (and sibling of an anonymous Day Creek student) said, “My brother always brags at me about his successes, and I sometimes feel pressured that I’m not as good as him.”

There are worse effects too, such as self-harm, anxiety, and depression. A recent Swedish study led by Mikael Rostila demonstrated that younger siblings are more likely to commit suicide: “Recent studies have indicated that birth order is associated with suicide risk, with later-born children experiencing an increased risk of death.”

But alongside the consequences, there are surprising benefits. Younger siblings might worry that they’re not as successful as their older siblings, and grow inspired through those higher expectations. As a result, they push harder in academics and athletics. According to Wonderopolis, “Healthy competition can have some positive outcomes. It might lead to better grades or athletic performances. Sometimes, these rivalries push siblings to do their best.” 

Psychologist Sylvia Rimm adds, “The first child is considered the ‘scholar,’ the second child may be referred to as the ‘creative’ child, the ‘social’ child, or the ‘athlete.’ Those labels increase the competitiveness within the family because each child believes he/she should be best in the family at something.”

“Although sometimes I feel that I’m not as good as my older brother, I still try to beat him,” said Emily. “I think it has pushed me to be a better student and has helped me improve in piano and swimming.”

Sibling rivaling can also help kids develop social skills and train them to negotiate and persuade other people, which might help them in real-life situations. According to the Medical Press, “Sibling rivalry, can have a positive effect on children’s early development and their ability to form social relationships later in life.”

“As a parent of two children, I realize that sibling rivalry can actually have good effects,” said parent Peggy Wang. “My eight-year-old daughter is learning to cope with his older brother and is developing crucial skills that will help her later in life.”

Fortunately, the negative side of sibling rivalry doesn’t exist in every household. 

“My older sister is nice to me, and I’m nice to her,” said 7th grader Bailey A. “This way we don’t even need to worry about sibling rivalry.” 

Conflict among brothers and sisters has its benefits and drawbacks. But who knows? Maybe later in life your most hated-sibling could become your best friend.