A brawl breaks out in aisle B19! Oh no! Target security to the rescue.
The people in red assess the situation and identify the conundrum: a singular, shining, bright pink, limited edition Starbucks Stanley tumbler.
People say history repeats itself, and it couldn’t be more true. The craze over Stanleys is triggering PTSD for survivors of the Hydro Flask fiasco of late 2019.
“I think that Stanleys will stay longer than the Hydro Flasks but will still go out of style,” said Aubrie J., a Stanley owner. Someone needs to tell Aubrie about her grandpa’s generation’s Stanley flasks.
People are reverting to their animal ways over the current trend – but history suggests that all of the drinking drama will diminish sometime this year. Then Stanleys will rot in the back of cupboards with the Hydro Flasks and O2Cool Mist and Sips. (Remember how all the cool kids had water bottles that could spray the same water that they drank?)
“I honestly think it’s not worth it because they are really expensive,” said Violet K., a Stanley owner, “There are many Stanley knock-off brands that are cheaper and the same quality.”
It’s only a matter of time before the company modifies its marketing to make money. It’ll be as glaring as some of the cups are once Stanleys show up in yard sales and thrift stores, assisted by low prices and high availability.
“It’s overrated and expensive,” said Lucy X, “They’re too expensive for a water bottle and I don’t think the looks are that good.”
You’d think that because you sacrificed your firstborn child for one of these, it would be the perfect bottle. No such thing. The pricey tumblers have a bad reputation as they are prone to leakage, even with their $20 straw covers.
Even worse, traces of lead have been found in these famous flasks, but that’s fine as long as their owners look pretty for the preppy Instagram reels and GRWMs on TikTok, right?
“[The] ones that make the water taste and smell like metal [aren’t worth it],” said Lucy X.
But, are there upsides to these cups? Yes and no.
Do they fit in cup holders? No.
Are they rock-hard durable like the avid Stanley enthusiasts say? No.
But they are soooo cute! Yep. Totally! So were Hydro Flasks and O2Cool Mist and Sips. Guess where they are now? Check your local Target clearance rack.
So why are people tumbling over these new Stanley tumblers?
“I think what makes them so amazing are their cool colors, how you can make them custom, and how they are easily stored,” said Hailey V., “It’s a lot to pay for the cups but it’s a trend, and that makes people willing to spend money to fit in.”
The craze over Stanleys is heavily influenced by the “preppy clean girl” aesthetic all over social media. It’s the perfect water bottle for TikTok influencers.
“Everyone is getting [Stanleys],” said Violet K, “They are trending and people want to fit in, so they get one.”
Even if it’s just a fad, people will buy what they want, and the Howl will wait to write a water bottle obituary in the months that follow. In the meantime, Stanleys are everywhere, marking school benches, robbing valuable desk space, and bulging out of backpack pockets.
“Stanleys have gotten bigger than Hydro Flasks,” said Ava B., “People care about them more.”
Thus their popularity continues, a plague of stainless steel (and a little bit of lead) that just won’t go away.
“They are spreading like a disease,” said Natalya W.
